There are things that we do at home–private things—that people never witness. Shaving in the shower, flossing teeth, scratching a hidden itch, dusting the bookshelves in pajamas or eating an over-ripe mango seed over the sink. In these solitary moments we are the most unpolished versions of ourselves.
There are things we do in the kitchen—unspeakable things—that our food loving friends don’t know about. Reheating five-day leftovers because there’s nothing else to eat. Cutting a corner of moldy cheese away and eating around the rest. Employing the “two second rule” to wayward foods too expensive or too limited to lose. Playing Iron Chef Leftover (only to lose terribly at our own game). We hide in the light of the refrigerator as we sneak a heaping spoonful of butterscotch sauce or peanut butter or one last bite of ice cream when no one is looking. We eat frozen food and tell no one.
Money is tight, hours grow short
After a long day of writing, I had less than an hour to shower, dress, and feed myself enough to keep hunger at bay during my eight hour, break-free restaurant shift. I grabbed a frozen Trader Joe’s pizza from the freezer, pulled a white onion from the crisper drawer and ripped a handful of fresh herbs from my purple basil plant.
As I drizzled a finishing olive oil over arranged onion slices and ripped basil on my $4 frozen pizza, I considered this covert business of consuming something I knew I shouldn’t be. I wondered if other food loving people do such things. Has a shortage of time, limited funds and unabashed cravings driven other foodies to hide away Twinkies and sneak purchases from the frozen food section?
As an arbiter of great pizza (I wait tables at a three-star pizzeria), the last thing I should be eating is a frozen pizza.
But for four dollars, ten minutes cooking time in the oven, and a handful of fresh ingredients to mask the almost cardboard flavor of the frozen pizza, this is a secret meal deal that just can’t be beat.
I know its been said “you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear”, but you can definitely gussy it up.
Question of the week: is there anyone else out there with kitchen secrets they fear to share?