The morning starts as afternoon. A cotton pillowcase is the first texture of the New Year to greet me. Next comes the crushing pressure in the skull that only champagne and sweet bourbon cocktails can give. Then there’s the dry rub of dehydration on my tongue. My need for water is intense, but that want is superseded by the weight of my hangover.
Happy New Year.
It’s at this moment–the instant when I am overcome with a compelling need for something greasy, unhealthy, and heavy on the bacon–that I remember to write my New Year’s resolutions. Later, over breakfast, I’ll thank my lucky stars I didn’t drink more than I did and then jot something down in a notebook. Waiting until the last minute to write my resolutions was a convenient way of avoiding the deeper work of preparing for a new year. I could easily jot something cheery and hopeful down, post it up by my desk, and then do my best to work towards those goals. If I didn’t hit the mark, it wasn’t a profound loss because I hadn’t invested too much time into my plans.
At least, that’s the way things used to happen.
For what feels like the first time ever, I’m approaching the New Year with a clear vision of what I want to achieve. For almost two months now, I’ve been taking a sober look at my life. I’ve spent the winter holidays alcohol free and have used all the extra time and energy I’ve acquired to figure out what’s my place in the world. I’m wrestling with the question of what’s expected of me as a human being.
This year, I’ve got my resolutions written and a vision for my coming year penned way in advance of the ball dropping. Clearly, when you write your New Year’s resolutions says a lot about where you are at in your life.
Back in what feels like the olden days, I convinced myself that the reason why I waited until the last moment to write out my resolutions was because I needed to let inspiration run through the rough grains of the 365 days of the closing year. But the real reason was that I was afraid to take an honest inventory of my life and see where I was headed. I was perfectly content to skim the surface of my life.
Luckily, things are very different around here this New Years.